my life

there are times when i just want to scream. its just money. fuck everything else. we can survive this...and theres other times where i wish he would just leave because i cant stand to be around someone who doesnt have a drive....i need my husband to want more out of life and to actually try to accomplish something, not just whine....i feel like i he has never accomplished anything in life and that is sad. am i bitch and a horrible human being for feeling this way? i think i am. but it doesnt change how i feel. i want my husband back. the man i married was confident and sweet and we didnt fight about this shit. we fought about the silly stuff. what can i do to save my marriage? i cant handle his depression and theres nobody that he will open up to about it. he has no adult to turn to that will "get it". he has no close friends besides me that he can really share this stuff with. i can see that its killing him. thats killing me. were sitting here dying together when we should be loving and enjoying every minute of our new lives together. this has to change. what can we do. he wont change. and i cant stop being dissapointed in him. i want to scream and shake and beat him im so frustrated at our lives. i want it all and if he were only more driven like me we could have it all. we were happy. just look back to a year and a half ago. then everything changed the day he got fired. hes not the same man i married. then again im not the same woman he started dating...did we grow together or apart? somethings got to give or this marriage really will break...i cant stand for that to happen. this is my life partner. i need to save him.

This is max. He is the newest addition to our family. I think i am adding cats year by year in practice for when Dan allows me to have real children. Which I know I shouldnt rush. Ill be 26 this month, I have time. But I have wanted to have a child while I was still "young" since Dan and I got together back in 2003. Im worried that the PCOS that I have will cause a problem....hopefully now that its 2008 itll be a fresh start and Dan will get promoted and then we can try to have our first child. Until then, I love my 3 cats...