update on the good life

things have worked out well for us i would say.
dan got a new job and although his hours suck and the pay is still lower then he would like, i think he is happy.
i really do think that since i went to london in march we have not had a fight, and things have been so much better. i love him, and i know he is madly in love with me. we tell each other all the time.
so heres the update on where i am: i just got promoted to the Continuing unit at my job and i am really excited. Im leaving in about a half hour for training in virignia beach for a week.
im scared as hell about the job but i know it will be ok. i know ill do well on my tests and i will come back and just rock it like i have everything else at my job :) im the second fastest person to get this many promotions in the class i was hired in back in jan 07. go me.
as for TTC, i went to the RE and he gave me the px i need but he wants me to work on zoloft first. so i saw a shrink. who i dont really like but then again i dont think i ever like any of the head dr's ive gone to. they all look at me like im...well..nuts.
i want a child more then anything so i am willing to work on my issues. i need to get off the meds so i can have a healthy child. hopefully w/in the next month or so i will be able to come off it completely. well see.
then there is the issue of flying in october to grandpa/disney.
how will i handle that??!
for now i am going to try really hard to take it one step at a time. i need to learn to relax and enjoy life.

my life

there are times when i just want to scream. its just money. fuck everything else. we can survive this...and theres other times where i wish he would just leave because i cant stand to be around someone who doesnt have a drive....i need my husband to want more out of life and to actually try to accomplish something, not just whine....i feel like i he has never accomplished anything in life and that is sad. am i bitch and a horrible human being for feeling this way? i think i am. but it doesnt change how i feel. i want my husband back. the man i married was confident and sweet and we didnt fight about this shit. we fought about the silly stuff. what can i do to save my marriage? i cant handle his depression and theres nobody that he will open up to about it. he has no adult to turn to that will "get it". he has no close friends besides me that he can really share this stuff with. i can see that its killing him. thats killing me. were sitting here dying together when we should be loving and enjoying every minute of our new lives together. this has to change. what can we do. he wont change. and i cant stop being dissapointed in him. i want to scream and shake and beat him im so frustrated at our lives. i want it all and if he were only more driven like me we could have it all. we were happy. just look back to a year and a half ago. then everything changed the day he got fired. hes not the same man i married. then again im not the same woman he started dating...did we grow together or apart? somethings got to give or this marriage really will break...i cant stand for that to happen. this is my life partner. i need to save him.

This is max. He is the newest addition to our family. I think i am adding cats year by year in practice for when Dan allows me to have real children. Which I know I shouldnt rush. Ill be 26 this month, I have time. But I have wanted to have a child while I was still "young" since Dan and I got together back in 2003. Im worried that the PCOS that I have will cause a problem....hopefully now that its 2008 itll be a fresh start and Dan will get promoted and then we can try to have our first child. Until then, I love my 3 cats...