psycho

ive been dealing with anxiety/ocd/depression for years now. i had been on zoloft for id say at least 4 years. i have been seeing a psychologist who encouraged me to go off the meds, especially now that I am pregnant. So i have been off the meds since Thanksgiving. Well the past few weeks i have been getting worse. I cant drive on highways anymore, if im a passanger in a car on a highway then we have to drive in the right lane at exactly the speed limit or i freak out. i cant eat in restaurants or even at work apparently because im scared of choking to death. i stress over everything. i cant focus and i want to cry. i hate my psychologist. i want to try hypnotherepy but idk if the insurance covers it or who to have do it. i think he does it but idk if i trust him enough..i am switching obgyn next week because i decided i want to deliver at virtua and not cooper. my old obgyn didnt know what the side effects were if i were to stay on my meds. i am hoping the new one will. at this point i feel like its gunna hurt the baby more if i am off my meds then if i am on them on a low dose. i had been on 100 mg before i got pg which isnt very high. and id say it was at least 80% effective at that level. i could function! i cant function like this. i hate who i am right now. this should be the happiest time of my life and im miserable because i cant stand being in my own skin. my psychologist says i should be able to talk myself out of my panic attacks....yea well screw you man cause i cant! whether im weak or what i dont know. talking myself out of it does NOTHING. i just get more frustrated. i dont know what to do anymore. my husband doesnt understand me. he tries i guess. but theres no way for someone who doesnt deal w/ocd to know what it does to you. and its a vicious cycle because the anxiety brings on depression which brings on more anxiety. and then i sit and dwell on it. all day long.

what can i do? i just want to sleep for a long time and when i wake up have this be gone. or i wanna be a stepford wife with no brain. anything to stop from feeling this way. i know my issues are irrational. thats what OCD is. a bunch of irrational crap and its all about control and i have none and im miserable.

God if your out there...do something. please. anything. i cant take this anymore.