in less than 48 hours, i will be back to work. i am so incredibly depressed about this..i dont know how i am going to function. avery is my world. i have spent the past 11 weeks completely consumed by her. how can i be expected to succesfully do my job while worrying about her? i am so sad knowing that i will miss milestones. i want to see every "first". they are only young once. it is so unfair that i have to return to work so soon. other countries give a year maternity leave! people at my job who go out for psych issues have gotten 6 months!!!! it blows my mind and it is complete crap. i hope they fire me. i know thats a horrible thing to say, but really, i know i need money or we will not be able to pay any bills..but really, i just want to be home with my baby. i would trade anything in the world for that. i need more time with her. i am going to be a mess monday morning. i know she prob wont even realize shes not with me, and she will be fine. but I WANT TO BE THE ONE TAKING CARE OF HER. she is my child, i should be the one feeding her, cuddling her, playing with her. life is too busy and goes by so fast. i blink and shes already 11 weeks old! i hope i dont cry all day..that would be embaressing.
the one thing i can hope for is that i will be so busy playing catch up and whatnot that the week will fly by and then the next and then the next.
i know its not like i am dying or something. i will see her. but i will only get an hour in the morning before work and then about 3 hours after work before bed. thats so little time...
i love being a mother. its the best job in the world. i just wish i were lucky enough to be able to stay home.